Have you ever felt like you should be doing more than what you are doing in life?
Or maybe you have questioned where exactly you fit in.
Do you know those people who know their purpose and what they should do with their lives from the ripe age of 3? It's like they know their full potential at such a young age. Their drive to do this one particular thing in life is unmatched. I wish I could say I was one of those people, but that would be a lie.
I mean, this is coming from the girl who dressed up like Dolly Parton for career day (and no, I am definitely not a gifted singer).
My answer to the never-ending question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" was everchanging. One day I would want to be a singer, then a pro basketball player (no, I am not tall), a professional violinist, or a veterinarian. The list could go on and on.
As I grew, my hobbies and likes/ dislikes formed my opinion as to what I thought I was meant to do with my life. In high school, I wavered between a professional violinist and a writer. On any given day, you could find me practicing my violin, jamming out with others who had a love for music, and writing for creative enjoyment. I wasn't sure what my future held precisely, but I hoped it would involve one of these two hobbies.
It's funny looking back and chuckling at my arrogant thought process. Although I had never felt pulled in one direction, I admit to feeling like the whole world was my oyster. I may not have known what I was supposed to do with my life, but I knew that I had something to offer the world.
Throughout my college career, I managed to lose my love of writing. I blame all the APA research papers and my 15-page senior seminar project. My passion for music faded as well. I wasn't actively playing with any bands and had realized that breaking into the music world was not as easy as I had initially thought.
All of a sudden, I found myself thoroughly confused. I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up; to the world's standard, I was grown and should be working my way up some corporate ladder. After graduating college, I worked a few odd jobs. I just knew that one would open my eyes to the career woman that I desired to be.
I was wrong, but you know what? The story didn't stop there, and I never let it hinder my ability to live life to the fullest. I married a military man, became a mom to two little boys, and we moved around whenever the military said the word. I was happy, and my life was whole.
Although I was content with the life my husband and I had built, I still yearned for more. I felt like I was losing a part of myself through these life events. It was a part of me that I had just never tapped into yet.
With every move and every season of motherhood, it was as if I reinvented myself each time. I would figure out something that I enjoyed doing and would do it for me. It sounds a little selfish written out, but I needed something for myself in that season. Generally, I would tap into my creative, right-brained side. I eventually found my way back to writing, but it wasn't for lack of trying other avenues.
I even pursued writing as a career at one point, but all the doors stayed shut. The more I attempted to pry a door open, the more God shook his head and told me to be patient and wait. It felt like a far-off dream that was too good to be true.
I thought I already had a story to share, but God knew better. He was preparing me for something more. The story that I felt I had to share was just beginning. The audience that I yearned to communicate with was changing. He was working on my stubborn heart even when I thought that I knew best.
For years I have tried to open specific creative doors. I have wanted a purpose outside of being a wife and a mother. While my heart begged for more, God was telling me to wait. I didn't know what I was waiting on or where He was taking me, but I knew He had a greater plan than my own.
Today I have a purpose whenever I get on my computer or social media. In the past six months, I have been able to write more than I ever have before. Doors have been opening right and left that I could have only dreamt about. I find myself shaking my head in disbelief and not feeling qualified. I quickly have to shove that thought out of my mind and remind myself that God doesn't use the qualified; he uses the called.
So friends, If you are waiting for your doors to open, don't lose hope. If you haven't tapped into your purpose or what that may be, know that you are not alone. God will guide every step to reveal your purpose at just the right time. His plans and His timing will always outweigh our own. In a world that is so fast-paced and so self-reliant, it's comforting to know that although I may be the one making my decisions, He is the one that is ultimately still in control.
Trust in Him,
Valerie
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